Digest Rhee-ports by RHEE Fer HORTALEZA

‘COMELEC ready for the elections’ – headline. I just hope that doesn’t mean ‘ready to cheat’, ha, Garci?

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Everyone was shocked when Sangguniang Panlalawigan Member Robert ‘Eskimo’ M. Estrella, Jr. said that someone will face his supposedly unopposed brother Conrad in the 6th district congressional battle. But everyone laughed amusedly when he stated that the ‘foe will be their grandfather, the venerable Conrado ‘Lakay Condring’ F. Estrella, Sr.!

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‘Gov’t steps up promotion of RP as retirement destination for Japanese’ — newshead. Here’s hoping that it doesn’t mean ‘permanent’ retirement for those Japs! Read more

‘LAKAS has no gubernatorial bet as yet — Speaker JdV’ — headline. Now, if it turns out later that there is an oversupply of bets for the administration, it should just juggle the letters of LAKAS and come up with parties like AKLAS or KALAS or SAKAL for all of them; or just add one letter to form ALASKA dahil “ang dami namang pulitikong nanga-ALASKA rin lang!”

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Sangguniang Panlalawigan Member Danilo C. Uy was virtually given a clean bill of health during the commitee hearing of the SP to ferret out the truth in the claim of spurious newspapers Banat and Upak that he is a drug lord. All right, to the tune of Paruparong Bukid, let’s sing:

“Masaya si Danny… UY!

Hindi raw siya drug lord… UY!

Kahit binanatan, kahit inupakan;

Malinis si Danny…. UY!

Kahit manalamin… UY!

Ang napatunayan:

Banat — sinungaling! Read more

Digest RHEE-ports by RHEE Fer HORTALEZA

PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal Arroyo said she hoped to “break the back” of the communist insurgency in the Philippines by the end of her term in 2010. Others, however, hope to “break the term” of GMA before 2010!

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‘Bill seeks life term for sex with the dead’ - newshead. What? No life term, too, for sex with a ‘dead’ weapon? Hehehe….

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GMA visited China. No, she didn’t go there to ask the Chinese why Dagupan City Mayor Benjamin Saplan Lim - who is half-Filipino and half-Chinese - seemingly does not like her!

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‘Pinoys asked to be heroes for the nation’ - newshead. Well, that should be the case; but what is actually happening now, is that many Pinoys are ‘terrors’ of the nation or, worse, ‘errors’ of the nation!

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The bulk of the 17,000 new nurses in the leakage-tainted nursing board exam finally took their oaths. Those who were ordered to retake the examinations are now nursing woes, nursing grudges, nursing hatred and nursing wounds.

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‘Pangasinan Comelec ready for 2007 elections’ - newshead. I hope it doesn’t mean ‘ready’ to cheat, ha?

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Celebrities are allegedly more in love with themselves than the average person is. Hmmm, that makes me just an average person, I suppose.

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‘Saddam Hussein is sentenced to death by hanging’ - newshead. Out there, there are corrupt politicians and public officials whose sentence to suffer this same fate has been adroitly avoided by them.

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Digest Rhee-ports by RHEE Fer HORTALEZA

MALACAÑANG has appealed to Catholic bishops critical of the administration to focus first on family problems and other social concerns in theri respective communities before dabbling in politics. Catholicism, not Catholics, eh?

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‘Only God can judge me - Gloria’ — newshead. But that’s precisely the problem! Most of her critics think or act as though they were gods or demigods or almighty gods or goddamits!

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Martial arts superstar Jackie Chan has launched his own Jackie Chan Java Coffee Shop chain in the Philippines. Put up one in Pozorrubio, Jackie — Mayor Art Chan is there! Read more

by RHEE Fer HORTALEZA 

IN THE Department of Education (DepEd), certain pupils or students and even teachers reportedly are not adept in English, Mathematics and other subjects. Is it time to call it ‘DepEd’ or Defective Education’?

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‘Gloria cuts ties with FVR, Cory’ - headline. A dislike for ultra-senior citizens, eh?

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President GMA, by her own reckoning, believes that it is she who can best lead the way through a transition should the country shift to the parliamentary system. Does GMA therefore stand for ‘Gobiyerno’y Makabuluhan sa Akin’?

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‘GMA declares state of emergency’ - headline days ago. Her reason must be ‘GMA’, or ‘Ginugulong Madalas Ako’!

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Mass weddings are reportedly aplenty in various areas of the country nowadays - with couples blissfully exchanging ‘I do’ answers. Some couples, however, should aptly answer: ‘I doubt!’

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‘Scrap death penalty law’ - newshead. But put more teeth to debt penalty laws, please!

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Two news headlines: ‘Manila cop caught sniffing shabu while in uniform’ and ‘Another lawman arrested for shooting teen boy to death’. So who can blame people from tagging most of them as ‘foolishmen’ instead of ‘policemen’?

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If it were only one case, they would have promptly dismissed it as purely accidental or not deliberate; but it occurred in three separate occasions… and many people feel that this does not speak well of Dagupan City Mayor Benjamin Saplan Lim, my very own mayor and friend.

This has something to do with what many districtmates in the fourth congressional district (Speaker Jose C. De Venecia Jr.’s legislative turf) especially JDV sympathizers, describe as the ’shameful gate-crashing stints’ of BSL in occasions where De Venecia is supposed to have the top starring role! Read more

Digest RHEE-ports by RHEE Fer HORTALEZA

‘COMELEC looking for new voting machines’ - newshead. Maybe the present ones are no longer capable of cheating again?

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Pinoy featherweight Manny Pacquiao won over a Mexican foe, much to the delight of Pinay dead-weight, Gloria Pa-cute, who is still waging a fight versus Filipino foes! Read more